What I want My Relationship With My Dad To Be

What I Want My Relationship With My Dad To Be

In the ideal world I would move back to my dad’s house

My dad would be home more

He would make home cooked meals

He would let me call Him at night

I would be able to go out and have fun with him

Church would not be awarkard

We would be able to communicate better

He would He would have a better understanding of my disability

He would listen to my feelings and validate them

He would understand my mental health issues

He would would have confidance in Dawn and He would see the progress I have made in therapy

 Our Father’s Eyes

By Mark Schultz

[Verse 1]
Tomorrow shell be turning 17
But somehow now the mirror has become her enemy
Feelin like shell never measure up
Feelin like shell never be enough

[Chorus]
In her Fathers Eyes, he is taken by her beauty
And captivated by her every time
In her Fathers eyes, he is longing just to tell her
Shes never been more lovely in her life
If only she could see herself one time
In her Fathers eyes

[Verse 2]
Hes on the edge of giving up tonight
Hes feelin like hes wasted the best days of his life
Afraid hell never be the man he thought that he could be
When he looks inside hes so ashamed of who he sees

[Chorus]
But in his Fathers eyes he is a son of glory
The image of a strong and mighty king
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
In his Fathers eyes, theres more left in the story
Hes fighting hard to hold back tears of pride
If only he could see himself tonight
In his Fathers eyes

So no matter where you are
And no matter what youve done
Youre not alone
Youre not alone

And no matter where youve been
And no matter where youre from
Come back home
Come back home

[Chorus]
Cos in your Fathers eyes, youre loved with such abandon
Hes running to you now arms open wide
In your Fathers eyes, youre safe and youre accepted
Theres nothing you can do to change His mind
If only you could see yourself one time
If only you could see yourself one time
In your Fathers eyes
In your Fathers eyes

Lessons from Jonah

Jonah Chapter  2:1-10

God is something to say

Jonah 2:1-10 (New International Version)

Jonah 2

Jonah’s Prayer

 ¹ From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. ² He said:
       “In my distress I called to the LORD,
       and he answered me.
       From the depths of the grave ^[a] I called for help,
       and you listened to my cry. ³ You hurled me into the deep,
       into the very heart of the seas,
       and the currents swirled about me;
       all your waves and breakers
       swept over me. ⁴ I said, ‘I have been banished
       from your sight;
       yet I will look again
       toward your holy temple.’ ⁵ The engulfing waters threatened me, ^[b]
       the deep surrounded me;
       seaweed was wrapped around my head. ⁶ To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
       the earth beneath barred me in forever.
       But you brought my life up from the pit,
       O LORD my God. ⁷ “When my life was ebbing away,
       I remembered you, LORD,
       and my prayer rose to you,
       to your holy temple. ⁸ “Those who cling to worthless idols
       forfeit the grace that could be theirs. ⁹ But I, with a song of thanksgiving,
       will sacrifice to you.
       What I have vowed I will make good.
       Salvation comes from the LORD.” ¹⁰ And the LORD commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land. Would He surive for 3 days

or

Are miracles possible

I am interested in thaling to God and asking Him for help. I never want to run away from God.  We should pray at all times.

We are all important to God. We should pray when we are on the top and we can pray when we are on the bottom.

God is up to something in our lives

In a tragedy joy loses, life loses, hope loses.

In a comedy joy wins, life wins, hope wins

The message of Jonah is the predictor of the victory of Jesus Christ. God will meet us at our lowest places. I am at my lowest place right now.

Lets meet at the cross

God meets us in all kinds of places

Feelings Poem

Feelings Poem

I am Sad

I am in pain

I am scared

I am angry

I am frustrated

I am anxious

I am at the bottom of my life right now

I have a broken heart

I have no joy in my life

I have too much stress in my life

I have little will to live right now

I have no hope

I have a lot on my mind right now

I feel that my dad doesn’t care about me because of the way he is treating me

I feel lonely because of everything that is going on even though I know I have God on my side and a huge support system

I feel God isn’t working in my dad’s life because nothing has changed so far I know God works on His own time

I feel that my pain won’t go away because things keep happening with my dad that makes the pain worse

I feel that I am in a sea of emotions because I am dealing with so many negative emotions right now

I feel my life is a tragedy because my life is losing out, there is no hope, and I have no joy

I need God to meet with me at when I am thinking bad thoughts about wanting to end my life. I also need to remember that this is when I need to rely on my support network

I need God to fix my broken heart

I need the support of family

I need to be loved and cared for by my support network since I am not feeling loved and cared for by one of parents

I need to find peace with all my negative emotions

I need to come to the cross where I will meet God

Heal the Wound Lyrics by Point of Grace

I used to wish that I could rewrite history
I used to dream that each mistake could be erased
Then I could just pretend
I never knew me back then

I used to pray that You would take this shame away
Hide all the evidence of who I’ve been
But it’s the memory of
The place You brought me from
That keeps me on my knees
And even though I’m free

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

I have not lived a life that boasts of anything
I don’t take pride in what I bring
But I’ll build an altar with
The rubble that You’ve found me in
And every stone will sing
Of what You can redeem

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

Don’t let me forget
Everything You’ve done for me
Don’t let me forget
The beauty in the suffering

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

 
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Lessons From Church

Lessons From Church

By Joanna Swett

Jonah 1:1-16 (New International Version)

Jonah 1

Jonah Flees From the LORD

 ¹ The word of the LORD came to Jonah son of Amittai: ² “Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me.” ³ But Jonah ran away from the LORD and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the LORD. ⁴ Then the LORD sent a great wind on the sea, and such a violent storm arose that the ship threatened to break up. ⁵ All the sailors were afraid and each cried out to his own god. And they threw the cargo into the sea to lighten the ship.
      But Jonah had gone below deck, where he lay down and fell into a deep sleep. ⁶ The captain went to him and said, “How can you sleep? Get up and call on your god! Maybe he will take notice of us, and we will not perish.” ⁷ Then the sailors said to each other, “Come, let us cast lots to find out who is responsible for this calamity.” They cast lots and the lot fell on Jonah. ⁸ So they asked him, “Tell us, who is responsible for making all this trouble for us? What do you do? Where do you come from? What is your country? From what people are you?” ⁹ He answered, “I am a Hebrew and I worship the LORD, the God of heaven, who made the sea and the land.” ¹⁰ This terrified them and they asked, “What have you done?” (They knew he was running away from the LORD, because he had already told them so.) ¹¹ The sea was getting rougher and rougher. So they asked him, “What should we do to you to make the sea calm down for us?” ¹² “Pick me up and throw me into the sea,” he replied, “and it will become calm. I know that it is my fault that this great storm has come upon you.” ¹³ Instead, the men did their best to row back to land. But they could not, for the sea grew even wilder than before. ¹⁴ Then they cried to the LORD, “O LORD, please do not let us die for taking this man’s life. Do not hold us accountable for killing an innocent man, for you, O LORD, have done as you pleased.” ¹⁵ Then they took Jonah and threw him overboard, and the raging sea grew calm. ¹⁶ At this the men greatly feared the LORD, and they offered a sacrifice to the LORD and made vows to him. 

Nineveh was not Jonah’s comfort zone

What do you do when God calls you to a place that your not comfortable with?

Jonah ran away from God

I also ran away from God

Places where I feel uncomfortable

Being around my dad

Talking to my dad

Beiing in new social situations

Dealing with my emotions

Spending time outside

Taking the bus

Running on Empty

I feel like I am running on empty both emotionally and mentally. My heart has been changed by God but Satan has thrown a fire into my heart. It is going to take a long time to let it out. I know I will get through with the help of God and my support network.

I tried running away from God but there was a price that I had to pay because I felt alone.  I ran back to the Father on Easter and it was the best choice I every made. When I stopped running away I felt a calm come over me. I have felt God spoke to me through His word and song

Reflecting on my Relationship with my dad

Reflecting on my relationship with Dad

                                                            By Joanna Swett

Have you ever gotten into a major fight with your parents. This has happened to me. I want to be able to share my struggles with you. I haven’t come to resolution yet but I know with God’s help we will someday. I hope if you ever get into a big fight you have God on your side and that you have a huge support system like I do. I would not be able to get through this with out God and my support network. When I get over fight I will let you know how we worked it out.

God you have brought my and I hear today to worship God. I am glad to see him. I wasn’t going to sit by him but you spoke to me through my friend who said that by sitting by him I was starting the healing the process. We still have a lot to work on.

I know that there is no suffering and pain when I am with you. Sometimes I wish I was with you so I wouldn’t have to deal with my depression and all the angry emotions. I don’t like feeling this was on Earth. It makes every waking moment hard to deal with.

I am grieving the loss of my relationship I had with my dad. I am not his top priority anymore. It feels like I am not important and he doesn’t care about me anymore. I know He wants me to grow up and to be independent but its breaking my heart. I want him to understand everything I am going through right now. I don’t understand it because life doesn’t feel fair. It’s hard to accept that my dad won’t change. It’s hard to have to lower my expectations of Him..I am sleeping more because I the only thing I can think about is the pain I am in. Being stressed makes me tired all day. This makes it hard to concentrate and stay focus at work.

I need God to help me to accept the fact that my dad won’t change. I need God to fix my broken heart. I need God to take the pain away. I need God to help me figure out how to talk to him even if I don’t get it done my way by sitting down with Dawn. Maybe I can sit down with someone from church who can help us out

I really want a new start to our relationship. I want to go back to living at my dad’s house and have fun hanging out with my dad. I hate it when we are fighting. I know we have both done things that are wrong. When we start our relationship over I will feel hopeful.  Right now I feel hopeless and I just want to give up on life. I know a lot of people will miss me but life just sucks right now. I am not ready to live on my own. I don’t want to be independent anymore its just too stressful. I know I have my whole life ahead of me but its hard to think about the great future I have ahead of me when life keeps getting stressful and I am in so much emotional pain.

I don’t know why life is too complicated. I know we are supposed to find joy in our trials and lean from what God has thrown at us or I should say the enemy. I don’t know how I am supposed to find joy in losing the relationship I have with my dad. I really need God’s help along with my support network to take each day as it come and not to focus on all the pain that I am right now. I need them to encourage me and to love me during this time of being in pain and having a broken heart. I need them to think of me while I am in North Carolina and when I go back to work in 2 weeks.

I need God and my support network to pray for my dad. I want him to change his heart and to understand what I am dealing with especially my mental health issues. I want him to understand the things that He has done wrong. I also want him to understand my disability I want him to validate my feelings

A picture of my dad, me and my sister

He climbs in my lap for a goodnight hug
He calls me Dad and I call him Bub
With his faded old pillow and a bear named Pooh
He snuggles up close and says, “I want to be like you”
I tuck him in bed and I kiss him goodnight
Trippin’ over the toys as I turn out the light
And I whisper a prayer that someday he’ll see
He’s got a father in God ’cause he’s seen Jesus in me

Lord, I want to be just like You
‘Cause he wants to be just like me
I want to be a holy example
For his innocent eyes to see
Help me be a living Bible, Lord
That my little boy can read
I want to be just like You
‘Cause he wants to be like me

Got to admit I’ve got so far to go
Make so many mistakes and I’m sure that You know
Sometimes it seems no matter how hard I try
With all the pressures in life I just can’t get it all right
But I’m trying so hard to learn from the best
Being patient and kind, filled with Your tenderness
‘Cause I know that he’ll learn from the things that he sees
And the Jesus he finds will be the Jesus in me
Right now from where he stands I may seem mighty tall
But it’s only ’cause I’m learning from the best Father of them all

Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day

By Joanna Swett

Moms have the hardest job in the world

We are molded inside their wombs

Moms give birth to us and they are the first ones to give us a hug and kiss

We get our first nutrients from our mom

Moms help to pick out the right child care for us or they may decide to stay home

They care for us when we are sick

Moms stay up with us when we can’t sleep

We learn about Jesus from our moms

Moms take us to the doctor when we are sick

They help us with out homework

Moms cook dinner for us

They are there to meet us when we get home from school

Moms teach us how to cook

They take us on vacations

Moms love and care about us

My reflection from today

3 weeks ago my mom and I weren’t talking and hadn’t talking because of a fight we got into. Now the most amazing thing happened the week of Mother’s Day we started talking and seeing each other again. I believe it’s truly a miracle . We celebrated Mother’s Day today and it was great. Our relationship isn’t perfect and it might never be.  I am able to show her grace and forgiveness through God speaking to me and changing my heart. Its only by God’s grace that we were able to reconcile our relationship.

 

 Midnight Oil

By Philips Craig and Dean

Mama always got up early
And she never went to bed ’til late
Yet, I never heard her complainin’
About her family of eight
There were times she should have been sleepin’
But, late in the midnight hour
She’d get down on her knees
And you could hear her say,
“Lord fill them will your power”

[chorus]
Mama like to burn the midnight oil
Down on her knees in prayer
If you asked why she did it
She said she did it care she cared
Now Mama always talked to Jesus
When she knelt by her rocking chair
Oh, I’m glad my mama was willin’
To burn the midnight oil in prayer

Now Mama’s gone to be with Jesus
I’ve got a family of my own
Yet, whenever the clock strikes midnight
You will find me all alone
That’s when I start to call upon Jesus
For His wisdom and His power
Cause it seems that He loves
To hear a Daddy’s prayer
Even in the midnight hour

[chorus]

Years from now, when my grown little boy
Has a family of his own
Will he kneel down and pray
When the hour gets late
And pass the legacy on

[chorus]

Cause now there’s a Daddy who’s willing
To burn the midnight oil in prayer

How to Become a Christ Follower

How to Become a  Christ Follower

By Joanna Swett

By gaining the blessing of God we can continue to follow Christ and continue our jouney.

Matthew 5:3-12 (New International Version)

 ³“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
      for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
 ⁴Blessed are those who mourn,
      for they will be comforted.
 ⁵Blessed are the meek,
      for they will inherit the earth.
 ⁶Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
      for they will be filled.
 ⁷Blessed are the merciful,
      for they will be shown mercy.
 ⁸Blessed are the pure in heart,
      for they will see God.
 ⁹Blessed are the peacemakers,
      for they will be called sons of God.
 ¹⁰Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
      for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

 ¹¹“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. ¹²Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

You can give everything over to God because He understands it

Steps to be a Christ Follower

1. Total surrender

2. Grief over the human condition

3. A desire to see the world change

4. Thirst for rightounseness

5. Acts of mercy

6. Constant renewal

7. Leave a wake of peace

8. Make a differance

These steps are how we are able to better relationship with Christ. If we do all these things than others are bound to notice

Women in my life that have made a differance

Shawna

Jennifer

Rose

Emily

Pam

Marylou

Janet

Karla

Terilyn

Jenilyn

Shelli

Sky

Nothing But Sky Lyrics and Chords by Jaci Velasquez

 Share

Song title: Nothing But Sky LyricsBy: Jaci Velasquez

Verse 1

I’m here
With all the scars and the tears
I’ve survived
It takes time
To find forgiveness
Get on with my life

Chorus

I’ve gone through the heartache
learned from the pain
Walked through the broken
and all that remains
Is a heart that’s wide open
ready and willing to fly
Now, there’s nothing but sky
Nothing but sky

Verse 2

It’s clear
What doesn’t kill you
Makes you strong
I’m here
Right where I should be
In your tender arms

Nothing but blue sky around me
Nothing but sky   
Nothing but this moment now  
Floating high above the clouds
It’s all I need, You here with me

Nothing but blue sky around me
Nothing but sky
There’s no sign of rain
Ain’t no clouds in my way
Nothing but blue sky around me
Nothing but sky

Sky

By Joanna Swett

The sky is where God lives in Heaven

The sky is where the sun shines so we can be warm

The sky and God make thunderstorms which can be scary

The sky gets dark at night so we can see the stars and our loved ones looking down on us

The sky is where the birds from back and forth

The sky is how we travel back and forth from place to place

The sky also lets the moon shine at night so there is not complete darkness

The sky gets dark at night so the animals can come out that aren’t during the day

The sky is where we are able to see God’s colors shine through

The sky is where we are able to see different cloud formations

I Don’t want to Be Independant

I Don’t Want to Be Independent

By Joanna Swett

It means spending less time with my dad

It means not calling my dad all the time

It means that dad has his own life

It means that I have to move out sooner than later

It means that I have to find my own rides

It means that I have to take care of myself when I am sick

It means that I have to be flexible

It means that I have to accept the things that I can’t change about my life

It means I need to figure out what I need in life and what my limits are because of my disability

It means finding more friends

It means doing more things in the community

It means dealing with mixed messages from my parents

It means dealing with a lot of things that cause anxiety

It means being rational about my feelings

It means being in control of my emotions

It means keeping track of paying bills and working on a budget

It means feeling overwhelmed by life and my future

It means meeting new people

It means finding what services are out there for me

 

 Do you Even Know Me Anymore

By Mark Shutlz

It’s cold tonight,
I heard her say.
She was staring out the window
As I came home late.
She tried to smile
But looked away
Oh I could see the tears were running
Down her face
She said…
You go to work,
You pay the bills.
I stay at home,
And I make the meals

But you don’t even know who I am anymore.
You’re a million miles away
Though I see you every day
And I’ve been waiting right here,
Oh for all these years
And sometimes I get so lonely,
I need to know you love me
But do you even know me anymore?

I turned around.
To see my son.
Oh, I remember his first birthday,
Now he’s twenty-one.
I missed his life.
I missed it all,
Oh, to him I was a man
Just living down the hall.
He said… I learned to live,
Without you Dad
But i’d give it all
Just to have you back.

But you don’t even know who I am anymore.
I used to wait at all my games
But still you never came
And I’ve been waiting right here,
Oh for all these years
From the time you said you’d owe me,
I’ve wanted you to show me
But you don’t even know me anymore?

I’ve watched my days,
Turn into years
And now I’m wondering how I wound up here.
I dreamed my dreams
I made my plans
But all I’ve built here is an empty man.

And I don’t even know who I am anymore.
Oh, God I’m praying through the tears,
Let me make up for these years
Oh, have I waited too long?
Can I start again,
To be the man you’ve wanted of me
I’m begging you to show me
But do you even know me anymore?

// <![CDATA[

A picture taken of me in January

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I Stand in Awe

I Stand In Awe

By Joanna Swett

I am in awe of God’s creation

I am in awe of my teachers who have helped me become the person I am today

I am in awe of my co-workers who have helped me become the teacher I am today

I am in awe of my parents who have taught me to be a self-advocate

I stand in awe that God died on the cross for my sins

I stand in awe of God’s faithfulness

I stand in awe of my support network who are always there for me

I stand in awe of God’s love

I stand in awe of anwered prayers

I stand in awe because God has spoken to me throughout the past couple of months

I stand in awe of my therapist, Dawn for all the help she has given me

I stand in awe of my extended family even though they are so far away they still love and care about me

I stand in awe of my ability to write and to encourage others.

Let My Words Be Few

By Phillips Craig and Dean

You are God in heaven
And here am I on earth
So I’ll let my words be few
Jesus, I am so in love with You

And I’ll stand in awe of You, Jesus
Yes, I’ll stand in awe of You
And I’ll let my words be few
Jesus, I am so in love with You

The simplest of all love songs
I want to bring to You
So I’ll let my words be few
Jesus, I am so in love with You

repeat chorus

Lord of all creation
Of water, earth, and sky
The heavens are Your tabernacle
Glory to the Lord on High

God of wonders, beyond our galaxy
You are holy, holy
The universe declares Your majesty
You are holy, holy

Lord of heaven and earth (2X)

Early in the morning
I will celebrate the light
And as I stumble through the darkness
I will call Your name by night

God of wonders, beyond our galaxy
You are holy, holy
The universe declares Your majesty
You are holy, holy

Lord of heaven and earth (2X)

Hallelujah to the Lord of heaven and earth (3X)

God of wonders, beyond our galaxy
You are holy, holy
Precious Lord, reveal Your heart to me
Father holy, holy
The universe declares Your majesty
You are holy, holy, holy, holy

Hallelujah to the Lord of heaven and earth (6X)

Lord of heaven and earth
Lord of heaven and earth

Early in the morning
I will celebrate the light
And when I stumble in the darkness
I will call Your Name by night

God of wonders beyond our galaxy
You are holy, holy
The universe declares your majesty
You are holy, holy

Lord of heaven and earth
Lord of heaven and earth

Hallelujah to the Lord of heaven and earth
Hallelujah to the Lord of heaven and earth

God of wonders beyond our galaxy
You are holy, holy
Precious Lord reveal Your heart to me
Father hold me, hold me

The universe declares Your majesty
You are holy, holy, holy, holy

Hallelujah to the Lord of heaven and earth
Hallelujah to the Lord of heaven and earth
Hallelujah to the Lord of heaven and earth
Hallelujah to the Lord of heaven and earth
Hallelujah to the Lord of heaven and earth
Hallelujah to the Lord of heaven and earth